10 Games I Could Have Been Playing instead of M:tG and Vampire Survivors
Tof Eklund, Contributing Editor
It's been a hard year, even here in Heaven on Earth™ Aotearoa New Zealand, where the worst we suffered was anti-vax conspiracy nutters lighting the playground outside Parliament on fire. I know I have nothing to complain about relative to so many folks here, let alone in Kyiv, Shanghai, or Tigray. Nevertheless, I'm tired.
My gaming in 2022 wasn't even escapist, it was mindless. I didn't really play anything that wasn't obvious or deeply familiar. Magic: the Gathering: Arena was one of my main lockdown games, but this year I played it with less and less relish, until it wasn't even a habit, just a chore, at which point I kicked it to the curb.I poked and prodded at Threes, tried to replay Final Fantasy Tactics (again) and avoided anything socially relevant. It feels like the only new game I played all year was Vampire Survivors, and that's been nearly an out-of-body experience, like watching myself playing a game that (mostly) plays itself.
So this isn't a GotY list, or even a list of all the games I've played this year. It's something even more navel-gazing than that: welcome to my top 10 games I wish I'd played (more of) in 2022.
Pixel Puzzle Makeout League: this is a really cute game that melds Picross-style puzzles, a dating sim, and a superhero theme. It's an otome game where you play as "Pixel Girl," who has the dubious power to see everything as pixel puzzles and the mousy-brown hair of every romance novel protagonist ever. Your date options include a literal giant puzzle piece, so it's clearly a winner in my book.
Iron Lung: in this short game, you pilot a tiny coffin of a submarine with the aesthetic of Leshy's cabin into an ocean of blood in search of… something. Along the way, you'll probably encounter… something else… and it will probably crush your submersible like an egg. I think this is what they call a "cozy" game.
Portrait of a Texas Family: This visual novel is about being a parent. Specifically, it is about being a parent with a transgender daughter, a young woman of color, living in Houston, Texas today. The goal of the game is to put together a "safe folder" that includes testimonials that you are a good and fit parent from your daughter's teachers, her friend's parents, and anyone else who will to go to bat for you if the State of Texas tries to take your kid away.
Shadows of Forbidden Gods: this pluckly indie TBS game is about being an ancient, eldritch power - a "god," if you will - awakening from eons of slumber or imprisonment and whose shadow will soon be cast over the whole world… if your prophets and heralds can pave the way to your return by converting the desperate, corrupting leaders, sowing chaos, fending off "noble heroes" and undermining both mortal and mystical barriers to your rise.
Scorn: this game combines two of my favorite things: post-Lovecraftian horrors and becoming one. Some folks have dinged Scorn for its slow pace, but what I really want out of this game is a Cronenbergian walking simulator, or an interactive Tool music video. Lots of body horror and squishy biomechanical bits, not so much with the shooting and the jump scares.
Wylde Flowers: diverse, nuanced characters are what sets Wylde Flowers (Apple Arcade's GotY) apart from a field of farming/dating games. To start with, you play as Tara, a canonically bi-/pan- young woman of color who comes to the island to help her aging grandmother. Grandma has a secret: she's a witch (in the vein of Terry Pratchett's unforgettable Granny Weatherwax). This game is queer AF, from the mayor who flies a pride flag to Kim Izumi, the nonbinary butcher with the queercut and the nose ring. Queer cuties, cultural diversity, and the opportunity to lead a coven of witches, what's not to like?
Kentucky Route Zero: on Christmas Eve, I was visited by three spirits: the ghosts of indie gaming past, indie gaming present, and indie gaming gonna curbstomp you and your hipster gaming cred so hard Charles Babbage will feel it. But that's all in the past! I'm a changed enby, and I swear I'll keep the spirit of indie gaming in my heart and buy the biggest Tofurkey in the shop for KY0's entire family!
Glitchhikers: The Spaces Between: Silverstring Media is awesome, and not just because a bunch of Pizzagate/Qanon tools convinced themselves that this tiny indie studio was a major player in "the Conspiracy." I loved the (short, free, 2014) Glitchhikers: First Drive, the Viral Dusty Dead Identity Quiz was like the Locked Tomb series before there was a Locked Tomb series, and Silverstring wrote the script for Timespinner, the Once and Future Metroidvania.
Elden Ring: I guess? A lot of people are saying it's really good. People I listen to are saying this one's really good.
Vampire Survivors: sure, it's ridiculous filler, but ridiculous filler has its place, especially on Steam deck - and I got one of those for Xmas! Woohoo! 2023 is going to be… no, nevermind. Forget I said anything.
